My one year old took my cordless phone and somehow replaced all the names with random letters. I noticed last night when mom called and it came up as hhhg. So, if I rely on my phonebook, you might not get a call for a while. Or maybe I will randomly start calling and see who I get. Which leads me to today’s topic: friendships.
I recently seem to be having lots of conversations with women about how hard relationships with other women are.
Now, to be clear, if I was an animal, I would be a “no drama llama”, so maybe this is part of why I don’t particularly face a lot of these problems, but I certainly see them around.
I think I have solved it.
No, seriously, I think I have figured out why women have such a problem with women! (I am going to win a nobel prize for this).
There are a few reasons.
1. We are so darn sensitive. I am serious. I think women take everything to heart. And over think it. And then worry about it. And then ask other women about it. And then over think it some more. Then *maybe* if you are lucky, another woman will come to you with their concern. If not, they will likely be just trying not to offend you, since they know you are also of this breed and are sensitive also. But then it looks like gossip. And woman “A”, thinks that woman “B” was being catty, when in reality she was just trying to clarify her own thoughts as to why you would have placed your fork left of her plate when she clearly wanted it on the right.
Solution? Well, stop thinking. Take things at face value. And make sure you present things at face value. The old saying “do as you say and say what you mean” really applies. This alone effectively eliminates a good percentage of drama. And then, when someone says something, if you just take them as being honest, they will learn to be honest with you. Period. No games. It is wonderful.
2. We seem to feel like (despite evidence otherwise) the entire world revolves around us and also relies on us to keep order. The fact that two of our breed feel this way at the same time, sometimes makes communication difficult. We can’t seem to wrap our heads around the fact that other people have their stuff too. If we do happen to understand that, we are then faced with the inevitable fact that maybe everyone isn’t thinking about us 24 hours a day. Which leads us to swing our pendulums in the other direction and feel like no one cares about us at all, and that we are useless. It is a dangerous balance.
Solution? Suck it up buttercup. People care about your stuff, just not quite as much as they care about their own stuff. Want to maintain peace in the breed? Acknowledge their stuff. Listen when they talk. That alone makes a big difference. If that doesn’t work, resort to the male of our breed for venting (as they seem to be able to shut their mouths more than us), and have some wine with the gals. Done.
3. We can not stand deception of any sort. If you can’t be trusted with the little things, you sure as heck can’t be trusted with the big ones! Lies, cheats, gossiping, talking behind someone’s back, anything deceptive really will almost immediately terminate a relationship between two females.
Solution? Do I really have to explain that here? Leviticus 19:11 “Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another.”
The other little things that women can’t stand about women: being “too sexy”, being not sexy enough, being loud, never speaking up, looking at one another the wrong way, refusing to make eye contact, being controlled by men, being too controlling, agreeing with someone too much or too little, keeping too clean of a home, being a slob. Essentially, there is a complicated and sophisticated ritual between women.
I am pretty sure if these areas are thoroughly covered, that the female to female relationship works. I mean obviously there are other things that may impact, but I really, truly think that all these things are the crux of the female to female chemistry. If not, I feel that it is integral that I emphasize the importance of a good glass of wine together. (Proverbs 31:6-7) “Give intoxicating liquor, you people, to the one about to perish and wine to those who are bitter of soul. Let one drink and forget one’s poverty, and let one remember one’s own trouble no more.”
🙂
Catholic Momma 