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catholicmommaWell, after yesterday’s sad post, I thought I would leave for this weekend on a high note.

Sometimes I question whether God hears me, or whether I am talking to myself.  Not in an unfaithful way, but like anyone, I test my beliefs.

And then he sends me a little note letting me know he is listening and gave me a little miracle answer.

Nothing big.

Mostly a soft whisper on the wind.

Letting me know He is indeed listening.

I am so grateful for the little things.

Pray for me, as I pray for you always.

CatholicMomma

PS.  I couldn’t find a peaceful pic, so I thought I’d make you smile

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Scared to go…

cmflowersSo this weekend is my annual retreat. The three days a year that I take to enter into silence and listen to God’s stirrings in my heart. Typically, I am excited knowing that there are so many graces waiting in that silence.

This year I am dreading going.

I feel scared that I am going to enter silence, and with the weight of sadness, loss, anxiety, and everything else of the past few months, I might literally fall apart.

I’m scared because every retreat I partake in the gift of the sacrament of reconciliation. And I feel so broken that I am not even sure where to begin.

I’m scared because my life is so uncertain right now. My job looks like it is coming to an end in the fall, I’m not sure what I will be called to do after that. I live with the daily axe over my head that comes closer as each day passes reminding me that God may be calling me to something else.

I’m scared because I just hate crying. And I know there are going to be tears. I ESPECIALLY hate crying in front of people. But I know that those tears will be there.

I’m scared that I will go, enter silence, and find I am alone. That maybe God is just not going to be there.

I’m scared that maybe He will be.

I’m just so tired.

So, please pray for me as I go on Friday. I will bring your intentions with me. In the years past I have heard of many miracles that happen through the prayers of this weekend. Please message me on FB on my CatholicMomma page any intentions you feel you want me to lift up for you.

I know that God is good. All the time. I just lately have had a hard time finding Him.

As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.
—Psalm 18:30

“For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”
—Isaiah 41:13

Pray for me as I pray for you always.
Catholic Momma

Math Help

mathI find the hardest part of my week very often is when I sit down to help my daughter with her math.  She is so very stubborn, and loses patience with herself very quickly.  It is so hard to talk to her, or maintain a sense of peace when each question ends with pencils being thrown or books being slammed shut.

I KNOW she understands this.  I see her do it.  But even when she does it correctly, she looks up at me and tells me she doesn’t get it.

How much like my faith life is this struggle.

I KNOW what I am called to do.  I do it as faithfully as I can.  But some days I just look up at God and cry “I don’t get it!”.

And God does the same thing I do with my little ten year old.  He assures me that I, in fact, DO get it.  That I am doing what is right and good.  That I just need to continue to work on it until it becomes so natural that I can do it without thinking.

My faith requires work.  It is not a “sit back and let God love me” kind of faith.  I feel like I am very truly called to work towards sharing love, growing in love, and accepting love.  All of these things come with effort from me.  With forming my mind and my actions around what I know to be good and true.  Even if I don’t understand, one day I will.  One day I will be grateful that God, with his everlasting patience and mercy, took the time to redirect me towards him and remind me that I do understand, and even if I don’t do it right, He will love me anyways and help me to “get it”.

Please pray for me as I pray for you often.

Catholic Momma

mournI have learned over the past few weeks, that God indeed does give us things that are too much for us to handle. I feel as though it is His way of encouraging us to turn to him, to rely on Him, and to be aware that it is HE who ultimately is in charge of “handling” no matter what we think.

Two weeks ago, my best friend died. My beautiful shining light of a friend just suddenly passed away. Completely unexpected. She was 36 years old. We have our birthdays only one day apart.

For the past decade, I can’t clearly recall a day that I have not seen her, or at the very least, spoken to her. It is gutting to not have her here.

My eight year old said me through tears how unfair it was that she was in heaven and happy, and how she can see us, while we must be here and be so broken without her. I had no words of counsel. I had only my arms to wrap around her in my own pounding grief.

I have had many people tell me “God won’t give you what you can’t handle”, but I think that is not the case. I am not handling it well. I am holding on to the thread of hope that God will help me through.

When I walked into the final hospital (she had been transferred from her home to one place, then to the other), I felt my legs collapse. I literally felt my heart break. The air was stolen from me as I stared at my beautiful friend hooked up to the machines that were keeping her alive.

As I wept by her side, I was so engulfed in grief that I could not imagine walking away from this without her.
And as I walked into her home and held her mother, I questioned how to survive.

At one point I made the foolish prayer to ask God to use my grief to give comfort to another. I asked Him to be with them. Being foolish in my thinking I was “strong” I asked God to leave me and go to another.

And He did.

For more than 10 days, I felt no God. The presence that had been a part of me, the Spirit that guided me, all of Him was just gone.

Then I desperately begged for Him to return, and slowly, I started to again feel comfort. At times, I even have felt joy. It is strange feeling joy in this abyss of sadness. It feels like I am somehow betraying my friend. Which is crazy, because I know in my heart that she is in eternal joy.

So I move forward each day. I strive to be a better mother. I strive to be a better person. I hold onto the things that are good and true.

I am so grateful for a quote shared with me in a facebook group that I admin.

“Never lose sight in the darkness that which you saw so clearly in the light.”

I have no idea the source. But I truly understand the sentiment.

God bless you all. Please pray for me as I pray for you always.

In Christ,
Catholic Momma

1526449_10152102005560479_718825956_nSo, as the new year starts, I wanted to go in with a bright and spanking new blog post. Which I am doing now… 9 days in. Isn’t it funny how life works?

So, I decided that I am going to write the oh so blog-popular get-free card “list”. Which made me have to think about things I can list… Goals? Experiences? Things people say to me randomly? Animals I love? Why I like Monkeys?

Which led me to today’s list:

“Things to do today that will make you a teeny tiny bit happier.”

As some of you know, at the end of last year, I started a Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheHappyChallenge/ For making the whole world just a bit happier, starting with me.

This blog post will help you do that.

So here we go:

1. Make faces at yourself in the mirror every time you go pee. Not just smiles, but goofy, embarrassing, “gee I hope no one has a hidden camera in here” faces.

2. Smile at every single person that makes eye contact with you.

3. Make eye contact with as many people as you can.

4. Google “funny one liners” and devote 2 minutes to reading them.

5. Tickle a small child. If you do not own one of these, borrow one from a friend. Failing that, find a small animal, pick it up, and mash your face into its fur. No animals? No problem. Rub your face against it’s reflection in the mirror.

6. Find a hallway, run down it like Phoebe in Friends. If you are too young to understand this reference, Google “Phoebe running Friends” and you will see a sample.

7. Start humming Fish and Chips and Vinegar (pepper pepper pepper salt). Okay, this one may only get you annoyed when it gets stuck in your head, but the thought of that made me happy, so at least SOMEONE is getting happier.

8. Write one positive word that describes yourself each day and remember that word all day.

9. Spend one full hour disconnected from the internet. You will be amazed at the difference this will make to your day.

10. Share this list with your friends so that they too can join into this challenge to be a little happier in 2014 🙂

Pray for me, as I pray for you always.

Catholic Momma

Christmas is Coming

Our home made wreath

Our home made wreath

So, ’tis the season!

This year Christmas is going to be a bit different for the Catholic Momma family. In the past, we have always gone to a close relative’s house on Christmas eve, and had the pleasure of sharing the evening after Mass with loved ones. This year, times are changing, and the Catholic Momma family will be solo.

A year or so ago, I was helping to facilitate a bereavement group, and I had the pleasure of meeting some lovely people. At our Christmas ceremony last year, one woman in particular struck my heart.

She stood up to share about how she had lost her husband, and how that changed, not only her everyday life, but all of her holidays. She said she was currently in a senior’s home, and that her family would visit before or after Christmas, maybe for a few minutes if they could fit it in on Christmas day. She said she missed seeing people, spending time with people, not being alone on Christmas Eve. She went on to explain she was facing an evening of being lonely and what felt like forgotten because people were just too busy for her. She felt alone.

Which got me to thinking about my family. I have always wanted to serve others on Christmas, but I was unsure how to make this work with the little ones. This struck me as such an easy, wonderful way to impact someone’s day.

So, I would like to ask you all to please pray for my family to be able to share a new tradition of Christmas Eve with someone who needs it. I have put the word out to invite single mothers to join us in our home on Christmas eve with their children, or seniors who are alone. Please pray that the right person hears this message, and truly feels welcome to come share the joy of the season with us.

We want to share ourselves with those who may otherwise be lonely. We want to share our smiles and our laughter. Our home is filled with love, just waiting to grow.

Thank you everyone.

Please pray for me, as I will pray for you always.
Catholic Momma

PS.  Perhaps one of the most important posts I have ever posted: https://catholicmomma.wordpress.com/2012/12/04/dear-catholics/

** WARNING GRAPHIC LANGUAGE ***

I haven’t written in a while, but the recent flurry of outrage about Miley Cyrus and the VMAs has gotten me worked up.

I watched the whole thing.  Like a bad car accident, but I couldn’t look away.  But I was confused.  Why was everyone so mad?  Didn’t they see Miley’s video?  It was pretty much identical to her stage performance.  What I don’t understand is why no one said a word about Robin Thicke (aside from his beetle juice inspired costume).

What. is. wrong. with. us????

Robin Thicke has an entire song being the hit of the summer which was basically about rape.  About how no really means yes.  With lines like “I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two”.

And yet I saw a mom the other day dancing away with her young daughter to it.

Marriage?  Who needs that?  Not Robin Thicke: “You don’t need no papers Hey, hey, hey\= That man is not your maker”.  He just needs to have sex with you.  That’s all ladies.  And it is okay to be used that way, because he is humming a great tune.

I mean at one point Robin had someone else he was having sex with (“Yeah, I had a bitch, but she ain’t bad as you”), but it is a higher calling to be the “dirtier” girl.  And after you “didn’t pick” Robin, he can take you anyways: “Do it like it hurt, like it hurt What you don’t like work? Baby can you breathe?”

Until of course you will give in because no really means yes, right?

And then the world is up in arms because Miley Cyrus personifies Robin Thicke’s line:  “But you’re an animal, baby it’s in your nature”.   We don’t want our girls to SEE someone acting like that, only to HEAR that doing this, acting like this, and letting men treat you like this is not only okay, but wonderful.

We pay money to have a man tell you it is good to have to give up any sort of purity when a he comes along.  Even if he pressures you and has to drag it out of you.

My fight to raise my girls as good, well rounded people is more difficult every single day that someone feels it is okay to market this type of music.

But they don’t care.  After all, it’s a catchy tune, right?

For a great conversation about Miley’s performance, I appreciated this post as well from another blogger: http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/08/26/offensive-absurd-and-pornographic-on-mtv-you-say-i-cant-believe-it/

Please pray for me and my family as I will pray for you always.

Catholic Momma

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